This Floating Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their notable shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to bafflingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final series began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then came an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's problems. The recipient of a exceedingly uncommon zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of affluence and materialism? The almost wilful procession of cliches? Acting so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the restraining orders, abuse allegations and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless excess while failing to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

MobLand

Shady figures meeting in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were many other issues. Primarily that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various London rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously fascinating things to be said about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for whatever reason, this documentary series chose not to say them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that captured a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romcom about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a shattered romance. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, ironically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, slightly stylised farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Very much so.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This international thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who appeared to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.

Jason Buckley
Jason Buckley

Passionate food blogger and home cook sharing her love for creating simple, delicious meals that bring people together.